Editor's Note: While researching this issue, the following story was heard more than once. To prove to you that even the Year 2000 has a lighter side, we present the story of...
The COBOL Programmer
There once was a COBOL programmer who, living in the year 1999, had become completely overwhelmed and exasperated with the Y2K problem. To avoid a nervous breakdown, he decided to escape the year 2000 altogether by having his body scientifically frozen through a process known as "cryogenics." He left specific instructions that he be defrosted after April 15th in the year 2001 when, he fully believed, the millennium problem would be over.
When the time came, he awoke in a gigantic ward surrounded by a great many people, many of whom, it appeared, were from the press. He noticed numerous cameras and recording devices; although the equipment looked somewhat futuristic, it was clear that he was in the midst of an historic event.
Across the large room was what he thought was a satellite transmission device, overshadowed by a huge screen. To his amazement, he was on it. A moment or so later, officials were clamoring around him exclaiming: "What a miracle this is!" and "Oh, thank goodness he's alive!"
Soon, a doctor approached him, took his pulse and asked him, softly, how he felt. "I feel a little groggy," he replied, "but otherwise, I'm okay, I think."
"Excellent," said the doctor, "because these people would like to have a word with you, if you're up to it."
"Sure," said the programmer, "but what is all this fuss about?"
"Well," explained the doctor, "as you may remember, in the year 2000 there was a major problem with many COBOL programs that were unable to process four-digit date code. It was was referred to as the `Y2K problem', or the `millennium dilemma.' Do you recall it?"
"Of course I do," said the programmer, nervously, "and I left specific instructions to be defrosted AFTER it was over...don't tell me it's still the year 2000?"
"Quite the contrary, my young man," intoned the doctor in a solemn voice, "in fact, the program which was designed to de-cryo you - er, defrost you in the year 2000 was gravely affected by this problem, as were many other programs, and I'm afraid it isn't anywhere close to the year 2000 anymore."
"It's not?" cried the programmer in shock and disbelief, "well then, what year IS it?"
"It's 9,999, son," replied the doctor, "and believe it or not, we're currently experiencing the same sort of date rollover difficulty you folks had back in 1999. As a matter of fact, that's why we de-cryoed-er, defrosted you. We read in your file that you knew that ancient computer language called COBOL, on which many of our later programs were based, and we were hoping that maybe you could help us out!" -Anonymous